


The Last Night

by grimBleeper_Arcas_Corricol



Series: NeoUniStuck [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-12
Updated: 2015-09-12
Packaged: 2018-04-20 11:39:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4786010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grimBleeper_Arcas_Corricol/pseuds/grimBleeper_Arcas_Corricol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John cuts, Dave's his best friend, Dave has to deal with this because John can't handle this</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Last Night

**Author's Note:**

> You come to me with scars on your wrists  
> You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this  
> I just came to say goodbye  
> I didn’t want to see you cry, I’m fine  
> But I know it’s a lie
> 
> This is the last night you’ll spend alone  
> Look me in the eyes so I know you know  
> I’m everywhere you want me to be  
> The last night you’ll spend alone  
> I’ll wrap you in my arms and I won’t let you go  
> I’m everything you need me to be
> 
> I think this is what is referred to as a “songfic”. This specific one is based on “The Last Night” by Skillet, my favourite band. The song’s about suicide, self-harm, and stepping away from the urge, so the moral of the story and the PSA is, you see someone depressed and feeling worthless, stand up for them, human life is a valuable thing and so is friendship. Anyways, the story’s about John being the one doing the self-harming and Dave discovers this, Dave tries to help.

“John, what the fuck are you hiding?”

“Nothing, c’mon, I don’t get what you’re trying to do”

“Shut up and tell me, jesus fucking christ, I’m your best bro and we don’t hide shit like this from each other”

“I’m fine, geez, Dave, stop worrying so much”

You grab at John’s hands, the feeling of scars and dried blood on his wrists rubbing against your fingertips as you hold on, running your fingers over them. He looks to the side as his hands fall limp in yours’, his eyes failing to meet your shades when you look straight into him. “You’re not fine, this is not a-ok, this!” you grip his wrists tighter “is definitely not ok, what haven’t you been telling me, is it school? Vriska? You’re not going anywhere until this is fucking solved”

“Really, there’s nothing wrong with me, don’t worry” he tries to smile, but it doesn’t come out as genuine happiness or emotional stability, his eyes are just wrong.

You let go of his right hand before dragging him over to your bed, sitting down even when he doesn’t. “Sit the fuck down and we’re going to talk it out, I don’t give a flaming fuck if you think this is all hunky dory but shit if it isn’t my duty to sort this out” he winces at the tone of your voice and you know you’re being harsh, you don’t care, either this stops now or you fail, having done your best. Luckily, he sits down beside you, his right hand gripping at the mattress.

“Is it about my wrists?” he asks quietly, his voice barely above a whisper, you can hear the guilt in his voice, no, not guilt, mere shame that he’s been discovered, it’s not a sense of weakness in this sense, but failure in the other.

“Yeah, since when did you start this fucking cutting, start from the beginning, neither of us are leaving until this is over and I am fucking demanding that you offer a proper explanation” his face is turned slightly towards you but he still gazes out to the side of your head, you know he hates this kind of direct confrontation but you know that as long as you hold onto him, you’ll have his attention.

“I-I don’t know, maybe a few years ago? Sometime after coming here, I guess”

“You missing home?”

“No, a place is a place and it’s the people who make it enjoyable” he smiles slightly at this, something to cover the sadness and the veiled raw emotion. “You, Jade, Rose, Karkat, you guys are great, I don’t know, I just don’t want you to think it’s your fault or anything”

“Classes can’t be that hard, can they, I get that uni’s not exactly supposed to be easy but you’ve been getting good grades, you’ve slept at decent times” you would know, you stay up until 1 in the morning and make the coffee for both of you when he wakes up, you’re the one Jade asks when she wants a sitrep on John and you don’t disappoint.

“It’s not the classes, teachers are either nice or just neutral, I picked what I like to do, I like doing biology and I wouldn’t really know what else I could do” he shares most of his classes with Karkat because of their similar fields but he usually seemed more stable than Karkat, John finished his assignments when they were given and he never missed any homework, at least this part was true.

“How about work, then?” You had heard of how some people got stressed from not enjoying their jobs, being a barista for the local Gloria Jeans wasn’t the most rewarding or least stressful, but it paid their bills well enough, it seemed like a dull possibility though, he had always been the cheerful one at work and could handle customers better than nearly all of the employees.

“Work isn’t that bad, I mean, it’s the same old thing, day in and day out, it’s not like I’m going to really be that affected by something which I’ve gotten used to, really! There aren’t that many jerks that frequent the coffee shops anyways” While you agree with this, there still has to be a reason for this.

You let go of his wrist and lift your arm around his back to wrap it around his shoulders, pulling him in, he lets his head fall to the side onto your shoulder in a practiced motion and you let your head rest on his softly. You feel his breath hitch slightly and his mouth quiver against your shoulder and you grip his shoulder. “C’mon, let it out, it’s just me, nobody else, it’s my problem as much as yours, you’re my bro and I’ve got to help you out”

You tilt your head downwards to see the tears dripping down across the bridge of his nose before running into your t-shirt, he shudders softly against you and you reach across to grab a tissue with your other hand to lightly dab at his face. You bring that hand to his ear, letting your fingernails graze against his head in a silent question to remove his glasses. 

He raises his head slightly and you ease his spectacles off, settling them on the bedside table as he leans back in, his right hand resting on your lap now. “I don’t know anymore, it’s just like everything changed, I mean, some parts of me still love to do what I want but the others just, it’s not right, it feels desensitised and I don’t know why.” He hiccups as he speaks and you run your hand down his arm as he speaks, trying to calm him down. His fingers dig into your thigh but you keep your face stoic, he needs someone to help him right now.

“So you’re just having conflicted feelings about everything?”

He nods against your neck “I hate it, I just want to know something for sure, I can see everything, I can hear everything, but I can’t feel, I can’t think anything and know for sure what I want to do. I don’t know what I want anymore, some days I just want to lay in bed, I want to not do anything and just stay somewhere where I don’t have to think, I don’t have to act happy for other people to see. I can’t even do that, I want to stay inside on those days, I really do, but I also want to go outside, I keep wanting to try and do what I used to love doing” The sobs start wracking his body more forcefully now and you hold him closer, your body jolts when he moves but you hold him tight. “I mean, I like hanging around everyone, being around you guys makes me feel like I’m having fun again, it might be the one thing that I can know for sure nowadays, I love every moment of it but I end up feeling sad again once you guys leave. I know that one day we’re not going to be together, one day we’re going to separate and it’ll all be over, I don’t want that, I want us to be like now and it hurts every time”

You grab another tissue to wipe away his tears before taking the whole box and putting it on your lap beside his hand, he takes one to blow his nose. “Why didn’t you tell us this earlier?” you try to keep your voice soft, comfort will probably ease him into talking more easily.

“I can’t, I want to just keep you guys close, I love you guys, I really do, but I can’t bring myself to tell you guys this, some days I want to bring it up with you or Jade or Karkat after a day of fun but I can’t, I watch them and I feel happy about that, but it never comes out and it hurts every time. I wanted to, I really did.” He only shakes his head against you, the hair brushing across your throat.

“Telling you right now, it doesn’t matter what you’re feeling, when you’re feeling it, you can always, always, talk to us, I don’t want to see you smile and tell me everything’s ok when it really isn’t, I don’t want you to just act like everything’s normal, I want you to just let your emotions go, I get it, I really do, you always want to control your feelings, you want to let everyone know that it’s all good, you want to be the one who can be the rock that everyone to cling to, but you have to know your limits. When you look outside and you see everyone being all civil and stuff, we all know we’re putting on a mask, it’s fine if you want to do that in public, we’ve all got the parts of us that we don’t show to anyone, but we’re your friends, you’ve known us for so long and we can’t, won’t give up on you, just let us in.” You wrap your other arm around him, enveloping him in a hug, you rub his back as he continues to make small hic-ing noises. You can feel and hear him still crying but you’ll hold him for as long as he needs.

Soon, he lifts his arms to wrap around your waist, his hands crossed so that they rest on your hips “I think I’ve got this, ok, ok” he takes a deep breath “I’ve said that it started when we got into uni, right? I like it here, I’ve grown into it, our little dorms, the classes, the schedules, the part-time work, the tiny kitchens, and everything’s so similar to what it was like back in high school, just with classes on a larger scale and everything else on a smaller one. It doesn’t feel right, these small changes, sometimes I feel them, sometimes I don’t, but when I do, they stack up and inevitably fall. I feel like it crashes into me and my mood just goes down with it, I love being around you guys but even then, it doesn’t really keep me just enjoying it for long. I love talking, I love watching movies, I love just walking around the mall, but there’s that part of me again and he just keeps pointing out all those bits and pieces that make me sad when they come into my mind.” He fully turns into you, rotating his torso to do so “I want it to stop, I want it to be like back when we didn’t have to worry so much, I can’t ignore that everything’s just slightly different and that voice just keeps telling me that it really is different”

“Open up more, tell us this stuff when it comes up, yeah, we could be in a public area, chillin’ in the mall or something like that, but the moment you say “yeah, I can’t handle this” and you tap out, we won’t stop you, hell, we’ll come with you. And when we’re not around, just look at the bright side of things, just because something is right doesn’t mean you let it define you, be the person you want yourself to be, I don’t, we don’t, want to see you happy if you don’t mean it, we just want to see you, the real you, and it isn’t worth it if you lie to yourself.”

“Yeah, ok, I think I can handle this” he pushes at your arms and you squeeze once more before letting him go, he grabs a tissue before wiping his face and balling it up, he rises with a timid smile on his face, like the outside is a stranger but he’s unsure how to speak with it. “You mind if I use your bathroom?”

“No man, go right ahead” 

“Thanks”

You can hear the tap running and you busy yourself with cleaning up, you collect all the used tissues and dump them in the little garbage bin you keep in the room. It’s disgusting but you know at least these physical problems are much easier to solve than emotional ones. “You okay in there?” you call.

“Yup, I’m fine” he walks out and you can see the dampness in his hair and the moisture on his face from where he’s splashed the water onto his face. “How do I look?”

“Like crap” this draws a smile from him “C’mon, you hungry? We can order a pizza or something”

“I’m not hungry, thanks, just tired”

“Sure, I’ll walk you back to your room” you don’t say it as a question and he knows it. You go down the hallway past Tavros’ room and you thank the administrators that they thought to soundproof the walls. He’s working on something to do with his veterinary studies but he takes the time to wave at you guys and you wave back, he spots John and gives a sympathetic smile as you walk on. You push open the door to John’s room for him and he enters, he strolls across the room, gathering up all the bits of clothing strewn across the floor and you hold up the hamper for him to try and throw into. He gets most of it in but the odd shirt comes flying at your face or over your shoulder and you catch them anyways.

“Haha, that was fun, anyway, I’m going to take a shower now”

“Cool, remember, you can come to us with anything that’s bugging you” you start to turn away.

“Yeah, thanks again”

“Any time” and you head back down the hall, he’s a fucked up asshole, but he’s your fucked up asshole and you’ll do anything to unfuck him.

**Author's Note:**

> So some of you may have noticed I haven’t been uploading recently and there’s a perfectly fine reason for this, I’ve just finished 5 of my 6 preliminary exams in quick succession and I’ve been using this little break to relax, I wrote this 3 days ago and I even proofread it and stuff. It’s something very different from what I usually do because not only is it something designed just for feels instead of story or scene, but this is also a different style of writing that I’m trying out. Chapter 18 will be a longer than usual one and one of my minor projects is at 50% but that one’s going to take a while. Please comment if you want to see either more of this story, more of this writing style, or just general commissions, I can’t guarantee that I’ll reply to everything or write fics for you guys on demand, but I read all of them and I take everything to heart, I love you Homestuck fandom.


End file.
